The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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