Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
