you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
