i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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