WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He felt like a one man threesome
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
