Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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