turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize