His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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