I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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