I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
