I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
