I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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