its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
