Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
