Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
