My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
