i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
