i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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