I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
