Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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