Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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