If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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