You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
