What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
