Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Randomize
