I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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