Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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