And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
