My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
