smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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