Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
