Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
