I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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