I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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