It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
