That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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