He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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