so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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