my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
