Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
