im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
