how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
