The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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