His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
