I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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