these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
