Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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