she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
