I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
