ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I supernannyed him into submission
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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