it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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