He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
