I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
