Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
