u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
