me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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