Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize