I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
