haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize