You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
either way he was missing a nipple.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
