he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
