you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
