Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
