Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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