when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
