We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
