So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
