its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
