Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
