Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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