dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
