he wants to bone in the snuggie
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found puke in my bra..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize