i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
