They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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