His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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