does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
