we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
