we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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