This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
