my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
