He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
