How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
