I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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