She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
