I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
