It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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