Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
