You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
