Too much gin, very little bucket
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
