sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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